Battling a Personal Demon

redeeming the time, because the days are evil.
Ephesians 5:16 (21st Century King James Version)

Hope you all had a Happy Thanksgiving, and blessings to you as we begin the Advent Season.

Tonight’s post title may sound like something you pick up at the local religious bookstore.  No it’s not.  

It’s a battle I have with procrastination for years.  I’ve always been the one who’s “put off for tomorrow what can be done today”.  And what’s worse, I get distracted as well.  It’s this procrastination that has cost me lots: potential relationships never materializing; career goals sidetracked or delayed; money lost; and even hurting those close to me.  This is my  demon.

Now I know there are those who’ll play “armchair counselor” and say that I have some “perfectionist streak” which is contributing to my procrastination.  Others may say that if I was criticized too much coming up, I may subconsciously feel that I’m not good enough and may feel subconscious fear to do (which I do wonder).  Others may say it’s just plain old laziness.

Then there are those who’ll tell me not to worry,  that there’s good in procrastination.  Those who will say that time and “time management” are illusions, and that I should follow the rhythm of my life.  Or, that creatives tend to procrastinate and it’s just a part of my life.  There are those who will say it’s amazing I can even get up and remember my day-to-day since I have so much on my plate, which includes a wife recovering from a second episode of breast cancer, and raising a precocious (and active) four-and-a-half year old.  Others will say to tell those who criticize my procrastination to fuck off and mind their own biz.

However for me it’s not easy.  It’s bad when you want to do and get it done, yet you put it off.  To make it worse, I’m one who doesn’t like his time wasted!  And deep down I do feel bad when I found that I’ve procrastinated and lost something in the process.  This demon is a killer and needs to be confronted, which is easier said than done.  Plus, you have the concern about your child and what example are you setting for him.  And you know what it feels like when it’s brought to your attention (after awhile you do want to tell folks to fuck off).

Funny, it seems as if for November I’ve been doing some soul-searching and baring.  However, this can be good.  Too often, people look at you like you have it all together when the see the outside.  They never realize that you have your own personal issues (or demons) to deal with.  And for anyone to admit to his faults (me included) takes lots of balls.

I hope I can take what God has placed within me and work through this.  It’s going to be a challenge, however I have confidence that I can overcome this hurdle and bring some peace in my life.  Also reclaim that which I have lost from procrastination.  Because I don’t know how much more I can take from this.

Peace.

About dangerouschristian

My name is Victor Reynolds. I'm a Christian who desires a more mystical approach to my spiritual life. I'm also a photographer as well who loves to create. I call myself "dangerous" because anyone-especially a Christian-who dares to be beyond the "norm" and allows to let the Christ live in them is dangerous.
This entry was posted in growth, life, thoughts and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Battling a Personal Demon

  1. jeffavant says:

    All I can say is ” Me too Victor”

  2. LoveInJesus says:

    same, same…
    thank you for writing this, i need a wake up call ;____; love your blog btw

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